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Saturdays in the Fall

Year-round college football news, opinions and more.

Hillary Clinton Didn't Shatter Any Glass Ceiling

Hillary Clinton didn't shatter any glass ceiling. At least not on her own. Instead, she rode her husband's back to the top of the building and then stood on his shoulders as she punched through the glass.

If Hillary never marries Bill, right now she's an obscure lawyer working in New York City or Chicago. Probably highly paid and very successful, but no one's talking about electing her as president.

She is not someone who represents what strong women can accomplish when given equal opportunity, nor should she be held up as an example for young girls to follow -- unless we're also instilling in those girls the value of marrying up (and putting up with all order of misbehavior so long as a man can advance her career).

Hillary Clinton's crowning achievement is parlaying sharing a last name with the most talented politician in at least a generation into a spot in the U.S. Senate, the U.S. Department of State and now a major party presidential nomination. With the nomination in hand, Hillary hasn't wasted any time engendering economic nostalgia from her husband's presidency to resonate with weary voters wistful for the good ol' days. So much for moving the country forward.

Says Clinton, "[I'll put Bill] in charge of revitalizing the economy." Because it's that simple.

Worse still, she has at every turn sacrificed her dignity as a woman at the altar of political ambition.

If you're supporting Hillary because you think she's breaking down barriers for your daughters, ask yourself this question -- is this the trajectory you want your daughters to follow?

Do you want your daughters to reach lofty places in their careers but only by remaining beholden to men who drag them through the dirt and humiliate them publicly? Is having the first female president such an urgent matter that it's worth tacitly endorsing the practice of casting one's lot with an upwardly mobile but morally bankrupt man and sacrificing self-worth in the process?

For those who slept through the 1990s and need a reminder, here's a quick synopsis of why Hillary is the antithesis of a strong and independent woman. The important stuff is in all caps:




Even after all of America bore witness to the load Hillary's husband blew on another woman's dress, she didn't opt to assert her feminine strength and show the world she could be a success on her own.

On the contrary, she stood beside him, stoic and silent, as he doled out non-apologies and lectured America on the nuances of the word "is".

Elin Nordegren is a stronger woman with more dignity and self-respect than Hillary Clinton.

Hillary chose to subjugate her dignity to a serial philanderer because she felt it was politically inexpedient to do otherwise. With her wagon unhitched from Bill's, she knew her forward march in national politics would be DOA. So tell me again how she represents feminine empowerment when she wasn't even empowered enough to blaze her own path in D.C.

Hell, Hillary lacks the confidence even to look and dress like an actual woman. You thinks she keeps her hair cut short and wears pantsuits because it's attractive? This ostensible archetype of feminine strength, in order to compete with men, goes out of her way to make herself as unfeminine as she can.

Right now Hillary supporters -- the ones who've made it this far -- are screaming at the screen that she's forced to do these things -- stay with a shitty husband, dress like a dude and have short hair, shout every line of her speeches at 120 decibels -- due to the longstanding patriarchal system embedded in American politics.

"Of course she tones down her feminine side," they'll shriek. "She has no choice. She's up against 240 years of entrenched patriarchy!"

Which might be a valid argument were there not a cabal of bona fide women -- none with famous husbands who used to be president -- working their way up the political ranks. One or more of these women stand a great chance of becoming president in my lifetime, and maybe in the next decade.

Enter Exhibit A, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley. Born to immigrants from India, her dad a college professor and her mom a ladies' clothing shop entrepreneur, Haley started keeping the books at her mother's shop at age 12. After graduating from Clemson with an accounting degree, she returned to her hometown and helped her mother grow the clothing store from a local mom-and-pop shop to a multi-million dollar company.

Haley's business success propelled her to the board of directors at the local Chamber of Commerce, and then to leadership roles at a host of foundations, including the Lexington Medical Foundation and the Lexington County Sheriff's Foundation. In 2004, buoyed by her can-do reputation and already impressive resume, Haley won the very first election she entered, for the South Carolina House of Representatives. She was the only first-year legislator named to a whip spot.

Haley easily won reelection to the South Carolina House in 2006 and 2008, the latter by a margin of 83%-17%. But in the 2010 governor race she was given slim odds of winning. Her Democratic opponent, Vincent Sheheen, was a popular state senator and attorney, not to mention the incumbent Republican governor, Mark Sanford, had sullied his reputation and that of the party when he mysteriously disappeared for several days and later was discovered to have been visiting his mistress in Argentina.

But Haley prevailed in tight race, 51%-47%. Her approval ratings soared almost from day one, and when she ran for reelection in 2014, again versus Sheheen, she smacked him down, 55%-41%.

Haley's signature accomplishments as governor include reducing taxes, cutting regulations on small businesses and expanding right-to-work laws. But she's no right-wing demagogue. This is the same governor who in April 2016 refused to succumb to the ridiculousness of transgender bathroom debates. She opted not to sign legislation requiring that people use the bathroom of their biological sex, essentially stating (correctly) that this is a nonissue and she has better uses of her time as governor.

Following the 2015 Charleston church shooting, in which a white supremacist targeted black parishioners, killing nine of them, Haley signed a bill ordering the Confederate flag removed from the State Capitol grounds.

Perhaps most impressive, Haley shrugged off the chance to potentially become vice president by refusing to endorse Donald Trump or support him in any way. Most high-ranking Republicans had Haley at or near the top of their lists of Trump's best choices for running mate, but the governor distanced herself from his campaign, even bombarding Trump with pointed criticism on many occasions for his divisive rhetoric and treatment of women.

See, if you have young daughters and want to give them a high-profile female role model, it's probably better to pick the one who stands up to powerful men who treat women like garbage, even when joining forces with them might get them ahead, as opposed to the one who acquiesces to such men, even defends them, to advance her own career.

Did I mention that Nikki Haley did all this without having any famous men in her life?

Modest upbringing, immigrant parents, state school education, no family members in politics. To paraphrase Drake, started from the bottom now she's here.

But Nikki Haley does have a husband, Michael. He's a full-time serviceman in the U.S. National Guard. In other words, Nikki's the primary breadwinner in their home while her husband serves our country.

And for those unfamiliar, this is what she looks like:

All woman. She's what Sarah Palin could have been if she had two IQ points to rub together.

Hillary's talk about breaking down barriers is tantamount to the backup quarterback entering the game with the ball a foot from the goal line, punching it in, then bragging about the touchdown drive he led. Bill did the legwork, Hillary did what anyone with a triple-digit IQ and a shred of ambition who's married to the most preternaturally gifted person to enter the political arena since JFK would be capable of doing, she built her own career -- and a successful one, I'll give her that -- as an appendage to the colossal foundation built by her husband.

A Hillary victory in November would give us our first female president, but it wouldn't represent much of a seminal moment for strong and independent American women.

In the meantime I'd just as well the glass ceiling remain intact for Nikki Haley or another woman who climbed the ladder on her own merit to come crashing through.

© 2016 All rights reserved. Interactive One Millennial
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Dear 16-Year-Old Boys Who Sleep With Your Hot Teachers: Keep Your Damn Mouths Shut

Earlier this week in Louisiana, the parents of a 16-year-old boy sued the local school board over a nine-hour threesome their son had with two attractive female English teachers at his school. One of the teachers -- who had had previous sexual relations with the boy -- picked him up after a high school football game and drove him to the other teacher's apartment. There, according to sworn testimony, the three engaged in a sex marathon that didn't conclude until the following morning.

The parents claim in their lawsuit that as a result of this harrowing and traumatic experience, their son has experienced "emotional distress, mental anguish, humiliation and reputational damage."

I'll give you all a minute to stop laughing.

First, don't you know this kid has to be the coolest high schooler ever to be able to pull this off? I'm picturing Tom Cruise in Risky Business, during the second half of the movie after Rebecca DeMornay had humped the shyness out of him. Not only did he charm a hot teacher out of her clothes, but he was such a stud in the sack that she implored her colleague to get in on the action. Think about it. How else could this threesome have come to pass other than the first teacher calling the second teacher and saying, "Keep this between us, but I'm sleeping with this kid from my English class and he's such a hot piece of ass that I feel guilty keeping him to myself and not sharing. Clear your schedule for Friday night and I'll show you what I mean. You won't be sorry."

And this is a tiny town in Louisiana. There's zero doubt these are the two hottest teachers in the school system, and probably the only hot teachers. I grew up in a town of about 30,000 and went to a big high school and through 12 years of school didn't have a teacher who approached the hotness of either of these women. And this 16-year-old is sleeping with both of them. At the same time. He has Trump-level swag.

But I digress. The first thing that stands about this story is the same absurd dichotomy that exists in every male-student-sleeps-with-hot-teacher story. The local newspapers and the police reports repeatedly refer the boy as "victim." Yet if you read the paragraph about how the teachers got caught, you find this gem: "The sheriff's office was tipped off after school officials reported that the unidentified student was bragging to friends about his exploits."

So the so-called victim was going around bragging to everyone he knows about this awful crime that was perpetrated upon him. Seriously, who does that? What actual victim brags to his friends about being victimized?

Can you imagine this happening with any other crime?

"Dude, I gotta tell you about my weekend. I got held up at the ATM, bro. Guy snuck up from behind and pressed the cold steel right to my temple. I coughed up the loot like that, bro." [Does the Jay-Z brushing his shoulders off motion.]

"Bro, you hear about my financial advisor? That investment plan he swore would double the market was a total Ponzi. The 50 grand I gave him is gone, bro. Who's the man?"

It's patently absurd, right? If you're bragging about it afterward, you probably weren't the victim of a crime. I'll concede that female teachers who do this should be fired and stripped of their teaching certification, but for media members to perch themselves on their high horses and imply that a hot 30-year-old woman making a 16-year-old male's fantasies come true constitutes some heinous crime is laughable.

Every one of these hypocritical media clowns -- the male ones at least -- would have killed at 16 to be in this kid's shoes. And they definitely wouldn't have considered themselves victims, nor would they have excoriated the teacher if they were the lucky recipients of her so-called criminal behavior. And they probably would have bragged about it to their buddies.

Which brings me to my most important point.

If you're a 16-year-old male who's lucky enough to be sleeping with your hot teacher (or two), keep your damn mouth shut and do not tell a soul. Seriously. If I ever have a son, this will be the central theme when we have the birds-and-bees talk: If you're in high school and you get a hot teacher into bed, you're in the luckiest 0.00001% of high school kids in the world. The only thing that will come from running your mouth is that you ruin it for everyone involved.

By running their mouths, these kids put at risk the sweetest deal that could possibly be bestowed on a 16-year-old male, and infinitely worse, they put the teacher's career and freedom at risk. 

And the only thing they gain in return is social cachet in high school. It's the worst and most uneven trade imaginable that doesn't involve Johnny Manziel.

Here's the deal for anyone 16 or under who might be reading this. I remember being in high school, and I understand that when you're in high school, you think the world revolves around high school and that your high school reputation and popularity represent everything important in life.

But here's the truth: Not only is your high school reputation meaningless, it's ephemeral. It has no carryover to college or whatever you choose to do after high school. When you get to college, you have a clean slate and no one cares how cool you were in high school, how many sports you played, whether you were on the homecoming court, or what your superlative was in the high school yearbook.

If you want proof of this, show up for your first day of college wearing your high school letterman's jacket. You'll be mocked relentlessly and told that it's time to move on.

Your high school reputation ceases to mean anything the minute you walk across that stage and secure that diploma in your hand. Show me someone who's more than a few months removed from high school and still prides himself on his high school reputation, and I'll show you someone who at present is a first rate loser.

Think about how celebrities always describe their high school years. These are some of the most attractive, most talented, most wealthy people in the world, yet not a single one of them admits to being cool in high school. They all claim they were dorks and outcasts who got bullied and were never asked to homecoming or the prom. I think it's usually bullshit -- like there's no way Margot Robbie was never asked out in high school unless 1) guys were intimidated to approach her because she's so hot, 2) the male population at her high school was 100% homosexual, or 3) she's lying about being unpopular -- but it underscores the point that nobody cares or wants to hear about how cool you were in high school after you graduate.

When I hear an adult brag about high school accomplishments, I picture Al Bundy lounging on the couch with his hand in his pants talking about scoring four touchdowns in one game.

And this is why it's beyond stupid to put anything of value at risk in exchange for social capital in high school. And the ability at 16 years old to sleep with a hot teacher who's way out of your league is infinitely more valuable than any amount of high school social capital. The career and reputation of that teacher, who is graciously bestowing her sexual prowess on an undeserving zit-faced teenage punk like you, are infinitely more valuable than your high school reputation.

An illicit dalliance with a hot English teacher is something at which you can look back and smile for the rest of your life. Your high school popularity, by contrast, is something you'll probably -- if you're not a total loser -- demure about within a few months of graduation. After all, it's cooler as an adult to have been a loser in high school than the BMOC.

Don't give up something you can cherish forever for something that will expire worthless next May. 

Keep your damn mouth shut.

© 2016 All rights reserved. Interactive One Millennial
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Tennessee Fans, Check Out This Future Vol WR's Fantastic Dunk

I graduated from Oak Ridge High School, so my Facebook feed was inundated with this video of current ORHS student and UT football commit Tee Higgins making a monster dunk in a high school hoops game.

That's Tee Higgins, still only a high school junior, taking off from the free throw line like Jordan and throwing down a rim-rattling jam, sending a hapless defender crashing to the floor in the process. He also draws a foul on the play and goes to the line to shoot one.

Believe him, sweetie. He's got enough to feed the needy.

How about that poor kid for the other team who makes the mistake of trying to block Higgins' dunk? Splat! If Higgins lives up to potential and becomes an NFL or NBA star, this video will become a badge of honor for that kid. But right now it can't be helping him with the ladies.

What do you think, UT fans? I know that Tee got a basketball offer from UT at one point as well. Is Rick Barnes going to fight Butch for him? Will Tee be the next two-sport superstar like Bo Jackson? Is that even possible anymore? Time will tell.

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